Relationships - a reason, a season, a lifetime?
John's philosophy is founded in the idea that relationships represent the greatest challenge to our happiness as well as the greatest opportunity to grow and find deep fulfilment. This is the case whether the relationship is a marriage, a partnership, from our original family or even close friendships. Stages of relationships are not linear. Your relationship may have various attributes across all stages.
John's skill assists you to unpack your deep, often unseen patterns, identfy those that work and those that don't and navigate a respectful path to a beneficial outcome for each party.
He attends to your unique dynamic, unearthing additional insights that lead to releasing burdens that may have emerged, greater satisfaction, joy and love in your life.
A connection is formed based on chemistry. In a romantic and potentially primary relationship the chemistry is sexual. The initial postive feelings tend to be generalised to most aspects of the relationships. A positive bonding pattern is formed. Dynamic: "What is this relationship - is this real?"
Judgements about each other emerge and at first may be suppressed and withheld. Personal fears, often unconscious, have a greater focus. Tensions and frustrations begin to surface and can characterise the relationship. Co-dependence, an overreliance on each other, maybe keeping the relationship together. Roles of 'persecutor', 'rescuer' and 'victim' (Eric Berne) are common with resulting dysfunctional power dynamics. Negative bonding patterns are a feature. The 'right-wrong' game is very evident. Learning how to navigate out of limitations is key. Dynamic: "I can't trust you or even myself".
Loneliness, emptiness, blame and even shame disable the relationship, even though the relationship may be under the same roof. Independence interferes with a capacity to find each other. Judgement and fear are the constants. A sense of entrapment may be tenuously holding the relationship together. Parties unconsciously, defensively and repeatedly react to a given situation, bringing forward past hurts and anger into the most recent event. Dynamic: "I need more from you and it's never enough."
Awareness about the relationship dynamic is high. The question of whether this is 'the' relationship ('if') has been answered 'yes'. Reciprocity and mutuality characterise the relationship. Strategies to navigate challenges are agreed and worked with. Judgements and fears are outed and dealt with. Being vulnerable is encouraged and respected. Some deeper levels of trust remain unanswered but the relationship feels safe to navigate this. Optimism about the future together is a feature. Dynamic: "I'll take care of and respect you if you take care of and respect me!"
The question is not 'if' this is 'the' relationship but 'how' do we continue to find our way together with mutual love support and joy? Judgement and fear, positive and negative bonding patterns, are easily suspended and used as tools for growth. there is a sense of onging fulfilment, empathy and interdependence. There is a certain enjoyment about each other's idiosyncrasies and differences. Humour is easily accessed in nearly all situations. Dynamic: "On the other side of right and wrong is a field. I'll meet you there." (Rumi)
Call for a free 10 minute consultation. M: 0419953389